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Here are easy steps to take when announcing
that you are pregnant
1.) Try not to just rush into telling him right
The reason for this is because you will have to
make a decision on how to proceed with the
pregnancy – with or without the help of the
father – should his reaction be negative or not
what you had hoped for.
2.) Are you keeping the pregnancy?
After processing the news, seen the doctor and
eventually made clear cut plans on whether to
keep that baby or not, you should then decide
on how involved or uninvolved you want the
father to be in you and the baby’s life, should
you decide to keep the child. Consider
questions that you should think about before
you tell the father. Such questions could be:
• Could you depend on him to help you with
the upbringing and maintenance of this little
• Is he stable/grounded enough to be able to
• Would you be willing to get to know this
person a bit better?
• Is he the type of man you want as part of
your child’s life, and if you believe so, how can
you know this so early?
3.) Be straight, firm and to the point.
Avoid blubbering or weeping, and do not just
blurt it out. Tell him that you need to talk to
him and were hoping he would be able to
meet you for a walk (some place public) or a
coffee (some place quiet). If he asks why, tell
him that you are in company and can’t talk at
the moment. If you can, try to mention that
it’s not that you want a relationship of any sort,
that this is about a completely unrelated
matter. If he agrees, arrange a suitable venue
and time. If he says no after you have
persisted then you are going to either have to
tell him over the phone or write him a letter if
you have an address.
4.) Start the conversation by way of usual
introduction, ‘How are you’ etc.
Take a deep breath and say ‘The night we spent
together, a few weeks back, something must
have gone wrong. I went to the doctor the
other day and he confirmed my suspicions, I’m
pregnant’. He’ll probably go into shock and
won’t know what to say so you’re probably
better off if you keep talking after the initial
punch line. Tell him that you felt he had a right
to know. Then tell him what you have decided
to do about it, that you have thought things
through and he can have as much or as little
participation as he wants, that the choice is up
5.) Be prepared for several reactions.
They can range from complete denial, that he
couldn’t have fathered a child, that it was
somebody else’s child, to complete
acceptance, that he will support you in
whatever you decide to do. But there could
also be anger/aggression. If this is the case,
you must remember that you have just told
this man he’s about to father a child with
somebody he hardly knows, so if he does get
angry, take a deep breath, tell him you’re
sorry he feels that way and that if he’d like to
contact you again at a later date it’s fine with
6.) If he is accepting the news with grace,
you can talk things out a bit more and go
If he leaves hastily, then it’s best to let him go.
Shouting, pressuring for answers and trying to
trap a man will never work and if anything it
will only make things worse. Allow him the
time to process the information and take
responsibility for his own involvement in all of
this. If he is any way mature, you will find that
he will contact you again once he has accepted
that is going to be a father. If he doesn´t
contact you after this, you and the child are
better off without him in your lives.